And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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