Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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