Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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