hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
