I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So much Jack, so little girl.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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