he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Two words: blizzard sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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