My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
