pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
