After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize