Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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