you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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