Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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