So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
