Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
