I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
