remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
