New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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