Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
