I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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