farters have to be the big spoon...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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