I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
