all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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