I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
