found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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