i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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