Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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