idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
