Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
