i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
