I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
