Moan for me like Helen Keller
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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