I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
