I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
they call him Oral-B. enough said
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
