he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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