I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
