just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
