Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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