My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
