No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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