We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
