I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
