Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
