My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
