yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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