I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
