Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
