Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My vagina is very pro this idea
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