I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
this is an emotional support booty call
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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