i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
