Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
