Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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