Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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