The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this boner is exhausting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
