I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize