Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
