So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
