I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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