Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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