So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
