Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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