OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
