i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
