another moral hangover. fuck.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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