My sheets look like a crime scene.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
