I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
