we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
