she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
