Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
