this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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