oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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