I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
