The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
