oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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