Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
