Don't you send me to vm
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it's like heaven, but drunker
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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